Generic Foods You Can’t EAT

B.YONEST NEWZ: I’m sure the list could go on, but here’s a START!

Every time I walk into the grocery store, I feel like I’m trapped in the Twilight Zone. Too many options of the same damn things. How many versions of honey roasted peanuts can one store really have? There really needs to be 27 different cottage cheese brands and 93 fruit snack boxes in one place? Really! It’s nauseating. With that said, “sometimes” I appreciate the array of splendid options and choices. Tuna is tuna if you ask me. It’s nasty, canned, raw fish that tastes the same whether it’s 49 cents or 83 cents. That cannot be said for everything. Below is a list of a few items you MUST NOT generically purchase.. Here We Go..

1. Pop Tarts: Pop Tarts and Pop Tarts only. No “Toaster Tarts’, “Toaster Treats” or anything that resembles a Pop Tart that IS NOT a Pop Tart.

2. Toilet Paper: Buy the good shit. No pun intended. The bad shit has the capabilities to turn a good shit into an obliviously terrible shit. Just sayin.

3. Ketchup: Look, pay for the Hunts or Heinz, people. There is nothing worse than “generic ass” ketchup. It’s runny, it tastes like tomatoes and it smells funny. If I want that, I’ll stab a person. Just kidding…

4. Spaghetti Sauce: Resort to “Ketchup” for exclusive reasons on Spaghetti Sauce. Same Rules and Regulations apply.

5. Yogurt: OMG (don’t that sound like a ditsy white chick). Yoplait. Dannon as a filler, but not really. Yoplait or NO PLAY, players. Don’t come up in here w/ some generic ass, fake ass yogurt cup. It’s insulting… Right Abbadabba. Insulting.

6. Hot Dots, Bratwursts, Etc: Just pay the extra 88 cents for the Oscar Meyer/Johnsonville/Etc. There’s not a worse feeling than your daughter telling you the hot dogs taste like “burnt, cheap rubber” and smell like the “Lunch Ladies” breath. I’m just sayin.

7. Laundry Detergent: Dirty and dingy vs Clean n Crispy. Again, dirty and dingy vs Clean and Crispy. You pick…. Tide, Liquid Tide and Tide w/ Bleach. Yeah, there’s a couple competitors, but those competi”tors” will have you in “tears” when your favorite dress shirt is green, pink and brown and used to be blue. I’m just sayin! Take it for what you will.

Those are a few items I go to the store expecting to pay full price for. My toothpaste, paper towels, pretzels and such; I could care lesser than less. I grab and go.. Those items i mentioned up top though; I’m sincere when I say those are items I refuse to change. If they don’t have them, I’ll just wait until next time. Feel free to add to the list, peoples.


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