Archive for the megan fox Category

Did B.YONEST really do it to JENNIFER’S BODY???

Posted in B.YONEST, megan fox with tags , , , , on September 13, 2009 by invazion

My name iz B.YONEST and I BANGED Megan FOX!!!



my name is B.YONEST… and I banged MEGAN FOX: CHAPTER V: PART I

Posted in B.YONEST, megan fox with tags , , , , , on August 15, 2009 by invazion

meganB_3The moment most of you ALL have been waiting for is finally here. This journey of my night of fun w/ Megan Fox has taken on a following of its’ own. I had no idea my crazy story would be such an eye opening experience for everyone else, but I’m delighted to bring you all such satisfaction. HERE WE GO.

I probably did six thousand push-ups from 2pm to 630pm that day. I checked the clock every seventeen seconds. I sweat so much (on pure EXcitement) that I lost 12 pounds and I kept checking my cell phone to make sure Megan hadn’t called, texted, changed her plans, my phone hadn’t died and i was a nervous fuckin wreck so I was looking for something to do. I smoked two ounces of bubble gum kush by myself in five hours and I was STILL A NERVOUS WRECK.

I hadn’t been on many dates in my life. There was the dance in 8th grade where I got beat up by the girls’ boyfriend. She only asked me to go as a joke so that her boyfriend would have a reason to kick my ass. There was the Amusement Park Extravaganza my Sophomore year. My date rode every ride w/ the wide receiver of the football team and I sat in the back of every ride with the super fat “goth” chick.. Needless to say, I was a real ladies man back in the day. NOT! I mean, I’d dated before but not like this.

Zak didn’t have an ounce of nervousness in his bones ANYWHERE. Dude gets girls. When i say dude gets girls. I mean girls “literally” throw themselves at Zak like he’s MY FUCKIN CLIENT. That’s why we call him “Crack Dawson.” Remember “Jack Dawson” from Titanic. Leonardo DiCaprio fuckin idiots. Well, that’s Zak aka Crack in real life. Hoes love him.

“Just be yourself bro. She’s just a girl, dude,” he said as we were getting dressed @ Equinox. Easy for his ass to say. He’s banged NHL hockey cheerleaders. He’s kicked it w/ models. He’s been to Victoria’s Secret Fashion shows. Zak’s a big deal. Maybe he IS MY CLIENT.

“Whatever bro. I’m cool,” I responded as my hands shook hysterically. I couldn’t even cut my hair right I was so fuckin nervous and I shave it bald. What the fuck was I going to do. I couldn’t go to dinner w/ Megan like this. Either I was going to have to take some medicine to relax, smoke another ounce in 45 minutes, cancel dinner or CALM THE FUCK DOWN. Canceling dinner wasn’t an option, I was probably going to pop the meds ANYWAY and smoking the trees…Well, that’s a no brainer. CALMing THE FUCK DOWN was a dire necessity. I felt like it was the 1st day of school, the last day of school, the 1st time I had sex, the last time I had sex and my 1st concert ALL AT THE SAME TIME. I was GEEKED..

Zak was dressed in a pair of jeans (the Abercrombie/Hollister joints w/ the holes in them.. REAL TRENDY), some black Nike Air Max’s w/ a tint of white and red and a Large white t-shirt that read “I’m the Reason Your Wife Left You.” (with a B.YONEST LOGO embedded on the shirt as well.) Red sunglasses, hair fresh to def. Zak was ready to go.  I was dressed in a pair of jeans (I “sneeked” from Red Planet in Columbus, Ohio), a pair of White and Yellow Dunk (with green laces) and an XL  yellow t-shirt that read  “U Can Google Me Bitch.” (with a B.YONEST LOGO embedded on the shirt as well.) Green sunglasses, head freshly shaven. I was ready to “ball the fuck out.”

Zak and I walked out the gym towards “THIS THING” and I was feeling much, much better. the sun was beginning to set on the Ocean, the beautiful people walking around me gave me a feeling of inspiration and it was a GORGEOUS evening. What could possibly go wrong on a night like this. Zak and I approached “THIS THING” and noticed a note on the windshield. Zak thought it was a ticket (because we’d received a TON of those since arriving in Los Angeles). Indeed, it was a ticket.

“Stay the fuck away from my girlfriend FUCKER… B.A.G.” the note read. I began laughing hysterically as Zak read the letter because he said BAG instead of B then A then G. Who’s is the only F.A.G. in the city who would leave a note on a fuckin promotional vehicle. Brian Boston Bean. I thought he was out of town. Maybe he came home to rescue his girl from me.  Maybe he was on his way out of town and noticed “THIS THING.” I didn’t know and quite honestly.. I didn’t give two shits. I’d seen the media talkin about them lately. Last I’d heard she was a single gal PLUS she called me askin’ me out. WAS MEGAN FOX SETTING ME UP LIKE THE 8TH GRADE GIRL? Was this another case of “too good to be true.” Fuck it, I’m a horny 27 year old and I wanna bang Megan Fox.

Zak and I jumped in “THIS THING” and headed toward Venice. Our great homies Chris P, Merf D “OG” and Karate Chris were havin’ a cookout @ Merf’s crib. Bitches, swimmin and liquor. That’s the crazy thing about Los Angeles. You may find yourself @ a party on a Thursday Evening getting fucked up. Them fools knew a gang of celebrities too. Jessica Alba, Lindsay Lohan, Michael Rappaport… My sqwad kicks it and if Merf is having a party and your invited.. I HIGHLY suggest you make it there. We stopped @ Habib’s to get a pack of bleeders.

“You look much better buddy,” Habib exhalted (you know with that voice like the people with the dot on their forehead)

“Yeah Habib. I feel muuuch better today. Not drunk YET and I have a date tonight,” I said with certain excitement. “Let me get a pack of grape cigarillos.”

“Good, good for you, B. He’re your cigars. Be safe and make sure you fuck her in the backside,” he said as I walked out the door.

“I will Habib. I’ll fuck her in the backside just for you brotha.”

I twisted up as we pulled into Venice. The people there are amazing. Most are qwerky weirdos, but interesting as shit. Every six seconds there’s someone attempting to sale their cds in groups of forty seven. Imagine if you really bought 47 cd’s for 5 dollars. You’d spend 235.00 just walkin’ on the Venice Strip. Not for me.

We pulled up to Merf’s crib and (like always) the street was packed with parked cars (of people attending his party), the front yard was full of sexy ladies (of different nationalities), the backyard was loud, my weed was twisted and I was ready to get my party on. I had almost forgotten for a second that I had a date with Megan Fox.

“Damn. This is what we get to do BEFORE we go kick it with Megan,” Zak said.

“Thanks DICK. For like 12 seconds I was so excited to see Merf’s crib, I’d forgotten.”

“My bad,” Zak said as he cracked up laughing walking into Merf’s front door.

“Hey Frog,” Chris P. screamed.. Now this fool is crazy. The stories I could tell you about my main mutha fucka Chris P is enough for eighty nine books themselves. To sum Chris P up though.. Crazy, deranged, amazing, the best friend to his homies ever, a little weird.. Basically, just like the rest of my SQWAD!!

“What up nigga,” I screamed back as Chris punched me in the chest. That was his way of saying “hi” with love. What Chris never seemed to remember is he’s heavy handed and one punch can be enough to knock the wind out of you. The more he drinks, the less he remembers and the heavier his hand becomes. BAD COMBINATION. After i picked my stomach chest up off the floor, grabbed my sunglasses back from Zak and realized where I was, Chris and I hugged and life was great again.

“Merf. Girls, Booze, Weed, Food, Swimming, bikinis, shots, titties and ass all in the back yard. Grab a condom, walk in the backyard, grab a drink and pick a bitch,” Chris said as he closed the bathroom door. I didn’t know whether to believe him. I mean, I believed that was all in the backyard, but the “grab a condom..pick a bitch” thing….? Who really knew? Chris P is extremely sarcastic and parties get a tad out of hand @ Merf’s crib. I went to walk out the back patio and next to the door sat a stand with condoms, ky jelly and a bottle of grey goose. I LOVE L.A. just, B.YONEST (a day in the life)

Merf was in the back yard, standing next to one of his six palm trees. He had on a pair of blue swim trunks hanging past his knees. The string was un-tied, he was holding a bottle of Grey Goose in his left hand and his right hand was stuck on some brown haired, dark tanned chick’s breast. Merf is a BEAST. He had a clear blunt in his mouth filled with “OG” KUSH, his sunglasses were on the dark tanned chick and he looked super DRUNK.

“What up, my nigga,” Merf screamed at me. “B.YONEST and CRACK. You niggas ready to party, tonight? We got the girlz, the booze, the swimming pool and the jimmies. Whatever you need is here. Get drunk and go fuck.”

Los Angeles is the most eye opening experience. I know I mentioned that before, but damn. Dime piece girls, people breaking weed up and smoking it LEGALLY, different nationalities and demographics of people, kickin’ it at my good friends’ crib. Did I mention I had a date w/ Megan Fox in a couple hours. Tough life, I know.

I couldn’t find Zak for (what seemed like) hours. Last I remembered, he was talking to two girls who claimed to be models for an online Lingerie Company. Tall, one was blonde, one was brunette… Both, beautiful. I searched the pool. NO Zak. I searched the crib (kitchen, bathroo(s), bedroom(s) and living room). NO Zak. Dude left with two hot Lingerie models and didn’t tell me? Rude! Beyond rude. Fucking ridiculous, truthfully. I walked back outside grabbed the blunt from Chris aka Spanto.

“You seen Crack.” I asked Chris.

“Yeah one of my homies has some. You don’t want that shit. I know you just moved to L.A. and shit, but you do NOT want to get involved in the Crack Game out here. I wont let you. Fuck that,” Chris said with a hint of fear and sincere severity in his eyes.

“Nigga, I meant Zak. LIke Zak. Crack the nickname, nigga. I never smoked crack in my life homie.”

“Oh, Oh Oh.. Zak.. That fool went in the hot tub w/ the Lingerie hoes I think. He probably gettin’ his dick wet and you sittin here talkin to me, stupid. I told you grab a condom and pick a bitch. Zak picked two,” Chris said as he laughed hysterically. I guess he meant grab a condom and pick a bitch when he said “grab a condom and pick a bitch.” I walked towards the hot tub and heard noises that need no description. Use you imagination perverts. I willl say my video camera would have come in “handy” if you know what I mean. Twenty minutes later, Zak walked out of the hot tub, smilin his face off. The Lingerie girls were gigglin and whispering to one another. I’m not going to say what “I think” happened (because I’m one for putting people on blast), but IT WENT DOWN.

“Feelin better bro,” I asked Zak in my sarcastic “I know what u did last summer” way.

“Yeah bro. I feel great bro. Ready for a date with Megan and Regan,” Zak responded. Holy shit. We totally had a date with Megan and Regan still. I’d been at Merf D “OG’s” crib, chilin and shit. I honestly forgot for seven whole minutes we had a date. True story. I felt my phone vibrate on my right hip. It wasn’t ringing though. Another text message.

“Regan and I are pretty ready to go, B. What are you and Zak doing?” the text read.

I felt like a little kid again. I have no problem speaking to women, but why do I almost pass out everytime Megan texts, calls or looks @ me. I’ve gotta get over this shit and fast.

“We’re at a party  in Venice. I’m gonna start my goodbye’s and head toward the car. 15 minutes, we’ll probably be out of here? Sound good?” I responded. “Hey Crack we gotta stab (which means leave for the idiots) in like 10 or so, homie,” I yelled to Zak across the pool. He was getting two phone numbers @ the same time. The blonde and the brunette were (literally) giving him their number simultaneously. It was AMAZING.

“Aiight dunny. I’m ready to go whenever,” Zak yelled back to me as he began walking my way. He didn’t kiss the girls goodbye. He didn’t even speak to them. He got their numbers and walked away. I was astonished because I’ve never had the “balls” to walk away from a girl. I hung up on Megan accidentally once or twice and that’s seemed to work marvelously.


‘Worse case scenario. Walk away from her. She’s either gonna think you’re an arrogant ass face, which girls seem to be into OR she’s gonna watch you walk away, realize how cute your ass is and she’s gonna wanna fuck you anyway. Wow B.YONEST. This game is really easy. The less attention you pay to a girl/woman/chick, the more they want it. I need to remember this tonight. Maybe, I wont say a single word to Megan all night. Maybe I’ll play a deaf mute. That way I won’t be able to fuck it up, by saying some stupid shit. She’ll think I lost my voice in the last few days. Yeah that’s gotta be..”

“What the fuck are you talking about B DOT?” Zak yelled at me. Again, I had just said all that shit out loud. “You’re going to act like a deaf mute all fuckin’ night long. Trust me, dude. That’s not the move.” I’ve gotta get these conversations with myself in order, apperantly.

“I was. Well, I’m workin on my. Dude, I don’t know, maybe. Shit. It could work. Megan is kickin it with Brian Boston Bean, my nigga. It doesn’t get much closer to a deaf mute than that, bro,” I said as if to defend myself.

“NO bro. You’re gonna take a couple shots, twist another bleeder, rub some nipples and we’re going to leave this party. We’re going to go meet Megan and Regan, get some dinner and go party with Edski, Megan, Ivy and the rest of the homies. Damn B DOT. That sounds like a great night to me.” Zak was absolutely correct. It did sound like an amazing night. Zak and I made our rounds. We dapped up Merf, Chris P., Karate Chris and the rest of the homies.

“See you homies later tonight?” Zak asked Chris.

“Yeah, yeah. We’ll leave here probably around 11 or so. See you @ Villa around 11:30,” he responded.

Zak and I walked to “THIS THING.” I still didn’t know what happened in the damn hot tub. I was HIGHLY curious, but Zak isn’t someone you can just ask. “Hey bro u fuck the Lingerie girls.” When it comes to Zak, the approach has to be a tad less forceful. For instance…

“Homie, the Lingerie girls were all in your mouth @ the party player,” I said. “Was you beatin cakes in the hot tub, homie. I figadeel you, play maker.”

“Yeah. I don’t what to say, dogg. They basically threw the condom on and made me. What I supposed to do,” Zak said as he began to crack a smile.

“Exactly what you did, dunny. Exactly what you did.” My homies are incredible people. That’s why i surround myself with people like that. Amazing people make you do amazing things or at least seem to have an affiliation with amazingness. We just left an amazing party, we were on our way BACK to Santa Monica to kick it with Megan and Regan and i was in the passenger seat listening to B.YONEST, while rolling a bleeder of “kush” (REAL KUSH.. not that bullshit kush people call kush) on a dinner plate (refer to my song “GOON 2 A GOBLIN”  for more on the dinner plate) and I felt GREAT.

We pulled close to Santa Monica and I began to realize what I was going to do. I hate to admit my nausea issue, but I felt like someone threw me out the window of the Sears Tower face first just to watch me scream. I ddn’t know black people could turn white, but I was Pee-Wee Herman Caucasian and I was more sweaty than “MC Hammer’s” back up dancers. Zak was relaxed as he always is. Homie doesn’t sweat. Shit’s crazy. He just posted up with two Lingerie girls so I imagine he’s feelin’ quite okay.

“We’re in the Promenade walking around. You guys on your way. We can get you a coffee from Coffee Bean if you want. Let me know,” my phone read. It was difficult to read due to the quiver and shake of my hands.

“Please do. Wait don’t. I’m pretty hyper already I respond.. No we want them. Yeah. Yeah. Please do that,” I responded. Why does Megan Fox make me repeat myself. The blunt of kush was assisting my tension level a little bit. I was smoking one and rollng another. I had the feeling my nerves were going to get worse as I closed in on the “BANG.” No pun INTENDED. We parked “THIS THING” on Ocean and Santa Monica, checked out pockets (to make sure we had our proper ingreadients), locked THIS THING and headed toward The Promenade.

“We’re walking toward Coffee Bean right now,” I texted. “See you in 2.2.” My heart was racin’. I’d been waiting for this for years. I’ve seen every poster. I’ve read every article and watched the Transformers movies elevendieght times. I’d seen, downloaded and previewed all the pictures on the Internet. I had a hard drive full of photos. Some would call me a stalker. I like to think I study.

As we approached the Promenade, Zak and I saw two figured standing in front of Coffee Bean. From a distance, they looked damn near identical. The feeling of nervousness turned into excitement and I put my sunglasses on. I didn’t know how high and drunk I looked (because I was extremely both) and I COULD NOT fuck this one  up. First impression is crucial. The whole throwing up, passing out scene was cool and all, but I was hoping tonights’ outcome was a tad bit different. We crossed the street and my mind went blank. There were so many thoughts running through my brain, I couldn’t think anything. We walked up to the girls..

“Hey hot stuff,” Megan said as she opened her arms (as if she wanted a hug.) I approached her and my heart jumped out of my chest, my penis erected and tore a hole in my jeans, my eyes became crossed and as she hugged me I felt myself ejaculate. I jizzed in my pants. Did she feel it? Did she know? I jizzed in my pants as soon as Megan hugged me. I sprinted into Coffee Bean ran in the bathroom and threw up in the sink. I stared into the mirror, washed my face, hands and threw water all over my jeans. I dried my hands and walked out of the bathroom.

“What a fucked up night this was going to be after all,” I whispered to myself. I’m STILL gonna BANG MEGAN FOX…


MY name iz B.YONEST and…. I banged MEGAN FOX!! Chapter III

Posted in B.YONEST, megan fox with tags , , , , , , on July 13, 2009 by invazion


You know that feeling! That “I’m going to pass out or piss my pants right where I stand,” feeling? Yeah, well I didn’t have THAT. I had that “You’re a fourteen years old boy and your grandma just caught you beating off in her bathroom and makes you clean it all up as she watched,” feeling. Utter Stupidity, I felt. I did AT LEAST seven double takes in four seconds to reassure myself that I was standing in front of Megan Fox.

“Uhhhh, Uhhhh, I, I, I, I guess you could kinda say somethin’ like that,” I said back to her.

This wasn’t really happening right? I wanted to pinch or bite myself, wake up next to Nikki Hilton, vomit on my clothes and start this shit all over again. My breath was the worse it had been since I lost a dare in fourth grade and had to eat my friends, cousins’ dog shit. Terrible story for another day! My hands were as palmy, sweaty, shaking and I was STILL INEBRIATED.

“Yeah, I remember you for sure. Me and my friends watched you dance for like 10 minutes straight. I wanted to come dance with you, but I was with my guyfriend and I didn’t want it to be all awkward and shit. I’m Megan by the way.” (as if every fuckin’ human, alien and asshole didn’t know her.)


“Seriously? MEGAN FOX watched you dance, B. This is the most amazing experience you’ve ever had B. Please don’t fuck THIS one up. Your luck with girls is TERRIBLE and… Just pleaase don’t fuck this one up. You won’t be able to explain to your friends…. Wait did she call Brian Boston Bean her “guy” friend? Why didn’t she say boyfriend?”

“Because he’s not my boyfriend,” Megan said as she brought me back from my personal (but obviously broadcasted) dreamworld. I had just said ALL OF THAT OUT LOUD. She heard ever word. The “don’t fuck this up” The “Brian Boston Bean.” She heard it ALL. What an ass I’ve made of myself to the City of Santa Monica, today. Trippin’ in the street, pickin’ up weed, stealin MY backpack BACK from the bums and calling Megan Foxs’ “guy friend” Brian Boston Bean to her face. ASS HOLE!

“What’s your name,” Megan asked as she reached out to shake my hand. Normally, I kiss the hand of every girl I meet for the first time. Just a sign of respect and appreciation for women, period. There was no way in the WORLD I could shake, touch or kiss her hand right now. What the kcuf was I to do? My first “interaction” with Megan Fox and this is what I look, smell and feel like?

“I’m B,” I gasped as I shook her hand with extreme reservation. I wanted to kiss it more badly than any hand I’d seen in my LIFE, but I froze up. I was scared to leave the scent of another womans’ vagina on her, truthfully.

“B, huh? Does that stand for anything in particular B,” Megan asked. I was really exchanging in normal conversation with kcufin Megan Fox. I forgot how badly I wanted to bang her. I completely lost sight of the fact I was scrambling like chicken with his head cut off to find her just 30 minutes ago. I was chillin’ at the gym, talkin to Megan Fox.

“Yeah it stands for B.YONEST. Real name is Brian (I felt Megan Fox deserved my real name), but everyone calls me B. You can call me B DOT if you want,” I told her with a confident grin.”

We exchanged small talk (I wont bore you with all the details like me gazing at her sweaty cleavage every once in a while or me beginning to envision BEING  the sweat running down her cleavage, etc), laughed a bit more about me vomiting in the parking lot. She asked if I was new to Los Angeles and what I was doing in the “City of Angels.” Truthfully it was pretty boring conversation besides the fact her nipples were rock solid, my penis to follow and I could feel my stomach churning with excitement and slowly, but surely more vomit was creeping up my throat.


“You cannot, will not and refuse to puke in front of Megan Fox. Get it together B. Your knees are gettin weaker! B, get a drink of water from the fountain. B, don’t do this B. B! B! B!”

The next thing I remember,  I was lying on my back, there were blurry faces of different colors surrounding me and I didn’t have my glasses on anymore. It was warm and the room was spinning. I could feel something on my forehead, but I felt too weak and embarrassed to reach for it or give a shit.

“You alright man,” Jason asked me as he began to lift me up. I passed out cold, PEOPLE. Fainted right in front of Megan Fox. We shared great convo, sweat together and I passed out!

“Yeah I’m good,” I responded to Jason as if I hadn’t just fainted in front a gym packed full of people. Not quite the statement I was looking to make! I slowly walked over to the water fountain, held onto the sides of the fountain dispenser (to give myself something to balance on) and sipped some water. After a few HUMONGOUS, thirst quenching gulps I looked into the mirror above the water fountain and noticed a blurry, yellow “Post-It” stuck on my forehead. I slowly reached up and grabbed the note with sincere confusion.

“Sorry I had to bail, babe. Enjoyed the laughs. Call me, B. Heart, Megan!” the note read. A ten-digit number surrounded the perimeter of the note. I was a note, NO THE NOTE, from Megan Fox. I put the note in my left pocket, walked downstairs into the locker room and took a shower.

It’s only Noon and I’ve had the best day of my life,” I said to myself as I washed my nut sac. I may have dropped trees in the street, forgot my I-Pod, puked on my clothes, stole my backpack from homeless honky’s, chased Brian Boston Bean through the Promenade (like an asshole), brushed my teeth in Caucasian pubic hair and passed out in front of Megan Fox. BUT, I got her digits. Don’t remember when or how, but I got ’em.

I didn’t bang Megan Fox that day either obviously, but tune in TOMORROW.. We’re gettin closer!

TO READ CHAPTER II part 2  (click here)

TO READ CHAPTER IV (click here)

DISCLAIMER.. “This story is a COMPLETE act to practice my poetic license.” PLEASE DON’T TAKE IT SERIOUS, TRUE, FALSE or anything else. JUST READ IT AND LAUGH!! — B.YONEST

MY name iz B.YONEST and…. I banged MEGAN FOX!! Chapter II

Posted in B.YONEST, megan fox with tags , , , , , , on July 7, 2009 by invazion


The next morning, I remember waking up on Ocean Blvd and smelling like Nikki Hilton. Not that, “DAMN she smells good” smell,  but yet instead that “I know the bitch is famous, but she should still wash her ass” smell. I mean, I KNOW I was across the street from the Sushi spot and RIGHT next to the Ocean, BUT yuck!  Zak arose from his drunken slumber, grabbed the half smoked blunt off the Barvo Condom box, took the lighter out of his left pocket and lit the wrong end.

“I’m a  little drunk still,” Zak ensured me.

As if I didn’t know. We both still wreaked of liquor, not to mention my shirt had a VOMITary manslaughter stain on the chest and left arm and the back had dried up splooge on the collar. What a weird night we must’ve had. I didn’t remember shit. I was pretty sure we banged the Hilton Sisters, but I wouldn’t venture to throw the  H.I.V. (h.i.v. means positive, sure, no doubt about it, FACT) STAMP of APPROVAL on it or anything.

“Yes, we did bang the Hilton Sisters,” Zak said. “Yes, you did grab Megan Fox’s ass at the club. Yes, you barfed all over your shirt and yes it does smell like dirty vijay jay in here.”

Zak and I have this weird way of answering one another’s unasked questions. THAT was a perfect example. Homie answered every drunken question reshaping my brain as we spoke. Now that that shit was out of the way, how do we get clean, get food and more importantly… HOW DO I BANG MEGAN FOX? Nikki and Paris.. “It’s Cool” but I wanted the “Box of Fox” and I was going to have it. I could still visualize Megan from the night before. Black dress (laced at the breast line SO somewhat see through), hair in a wavy pony tail (that pull my hair and bang me kinda pony tail), black heels ( so tall I could probably stab Brian Boston Bean in the artery with it) and perfect jewelry accenting all her key ingredients. MAN I LOVE MEGAN FOX!

Today Zak.. I will BANG MEGAN FOX,” I shouted as I hit the blunt so hard I threw up AGAIN..

I got up, threw on my backpack, grabbed my I-POD,  my gym clothes, wiped the vomit off my left hand and arm and headed down Santa Monica Blvd. I had no idea if I wanted coffee (from Coffee Bean.. THE BEST COFFEE SHOP, EVER) or if I wanted to head straight to they gym. (Equinox. GREAT VIBE, SEXY GIRLZ, ETC) I chose NEITHER. I headed through the Promenade towards the cigar store. I needed a Cigarillo immediately. I knew if I got eerrffed (that’s high for the dummiez), I’d feel less nauseated and I wouldn’t care that I wreaked of liquor OR the Gyro I yacked on myself. Just as I was approaching Habib’s (any convenient store, gas station 7-Eleven type of place), I turned the corner, tripped over a blind bum and fell on my face.

I-POD, gym bag, sun glasses and sac of eerrff went everywhere. Not to mention, I threw up AGAIN. What a fucked up start to the day. I gathered my things, took my sunglasses and gym bag BACK from the bum (fucker tried to steal my shit), looked to my left and saw………. Brian Boston Bean. 1/2 of me wanted to run up to him and punch him in the genitals (because I knew who he laid next to last night), but the other 1/2 was full of excitement because it could only mean one thing…. MEGAN FOX WAS CLOSE BY.. TODAY WILL BE MY DAY! I WILL BANG MEGAN FOX..

To READ CHAPTER I (click here)

TO READ CHAPTER II PART 2 (click here)

DISCLAIMER.. “This story is a COMPLETE act to practice my poetic license.” PLEASE DON’T TAKE IT SERIOUS, TRUE, FALSE or anything else. JUST READ IT AND LAUGH!! — B.YONEST

MY name iz B.YONEST and…. I banged MEGAN FOX!! CHAPTER I

Posted in B.YONEST, megan fox with tags , , , , , , , , on July 3, 2009 by invazion


Yes, it’s true America. I am the “Brian” on Megan Fox’s vagina bone. Indeed, I sleep with her on occasion when I visit Los Angeles, California every winter. You see, I’m a super lyricist, conceptualist, crack head blogger, etc and last August, I met her for the first time. Instant attraction. (I’d have to say for us both.) We (my manager Zak and I) were walking into Villa (home of the dopest DJ, ever.. DJ EDSKI) when we stumbled across Megan and Brian Austin Green. That’s when the fun started.

I purposely slapped Megan (Foxxy Megan’s what i call her) on her ass and she made a giggle sound which told me she liked it. I think she may have thought I was Brian Boston Bean (Austin Green), nonetheless, I smacked her ass. Zak gave me a high five and we kept it movin’…. We slid to the DJ stand and dapped up Edski (like good homies do), turned around and our girls Paris and Nikki Hilton were waiting for us. After Zak tongue kissed Paris and I slid my hand from up Nikki’s skirt, we felt it best to bounce to the bar. Become a “Certified Finger Banger, TODAY.)

My favorite drink in the WORLD is Grey Goose and Cranberry Juice. No, Grey Goose and Orange Juice. Is it Belvedere, Cranberry and a spalsh of O.J.? Damn, I do DO DRUGZ. Anyways, Zak and I took two quick shots of patron, a Jaeger bomb and a glass of Honky Love (Jim Beam) with a dab of Coke on the rocks. Basically, we were (as the white people say) FUUUUUUCKED UP! You can really hear a gang of white people saying that, can’t you… Okay, Okay, Moving On!

I noticed Megan was sitting in the V.I.P area with three white girls (obviously from some neck of the woods in Providence, Rhode Island or some shit), two black dudes (who both looked like the tralier trash brother of the Ying Yang Twins) and two white dudes well, who look like two white dudes. NO Brian Boston Bean. I repeat NO Brian Boston Bean.. (for you idiots, again that’s Brian Austin Green.) My penis immediately sprouted (maybe because Nikki Hilton had run downstairs, found me and was groping my balls) but I knew my ONLY chance to talk to Megan was RIGHT NOW. I calmly removed Nikki’s hand from my ball sac and walked toward the V.I.P tape. Of course, the bouncer wasn’t going to let me just walk by so I had to think fast.

“Slip him a 50 dollar bill. No dummy, slip a roofie in the drink and hand it to him. No, tell him you manage the Ying Yang Twins Cover Band and they’re waiting for you right there. Tell him your Megan’s driver for the night and you wanna….”

TIMEZ UP. I FUCKIN FROZE. WHEN I SAY FROZE, I MEAN, stiff cock, eyes buggin the fuck out of my head cuz I’m three feet from Megan Fox’s Box, FROZE! I probably could’ve pissed down my leg and not noticed it, FROZE.. FIGADEEL ME? I FROZE.. Didn’t say a word, Brian Boston Bean came back and I looked like a fuckin idiot. So that night, I didn’t bang Megan Fox. Instead, I got drunk, danced my ass off to DJ EDSKI and DJIVY sets, puked in the bathroom, took Nikki Hilton to the B.YONEST INVAZION truck and Zak and I banged the Hilton Sisters until 5am.

I REALLY did bang Megan Fox though. Come back tomorrow and I’ll tell you about it…


P.S.. this story is completely not dishonest. I am, in fact, “poetically licensed.” #HOLLAWONIMO!

TO READ CHAPTER II (click here)

DISCLAIMER.. “This story is a COMPLETE act to practice my poetic license.” PLEASE DON’T TAKE IT SERIOUS, TRUE, FALSE or anything else. JUST READ IT AND LAUGH!! — B.YONEST

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