Archive for megan fox

B.YONEST “Celebrity” NEWZ: Megan Fox is engaged

Posted in B.YONEST "Celebrity" NEWZ, B.YONEST NEWZ with tags , , on January 17, 2010 by invazion

B.YONEST NEWZ.. Brian Boston Bean closed the deal on Fox..

I’m so happy I got to bang Megan Fox when I was on the road because rumor has it she dumped me and is engaged to Boston Bean, for real!! Who is Boston Bean?? Well, I have a sincere problem callin him by his real name but if you mus know, it’s Brian Boston, I mean Austin Green. Yep, it’s true sources say. I find it more stupid than most of you because she’s my girl. Now, she’s gonna get married, fat, pregnant (lose all her hotness) and Boston’s gonna bounce. Good luck lovers.

ANONYMOUZ

For “I Banged Megan Fox” Story, click HERE..

B.YONEST NEWZ: HAPPY 500th B.YONEST INVAZION

Posted in B.YONEST, B.YONEST NEWZ with tags , , , , , , , , , , on October 29, 2009 by invazion

B.YONEST NEWZ.. 500 posts THANK YOU for ALL your SUPPORT!

Big BCongratulations, The B.YONEST INVAZION has officially reached 500 POSTS. We started this Entertainment Blog over a year ago and never imagined 120,000 views and 500 posts the next year. Over the last year we’ve covered every and any issue from Kanye West/Taylor Swift to kidnapping crisis’ and everything in between. We’ve tried diligently to deliver HONEST NEWZ with a twist of irony and sacrasm. The reality is we never imagined 500 posts. The B.YONEST INVAZION staff couldn’t have possibly dreamed 1,000 views/day and 30,000 hits in a month, but WE DID IT. We will continue to bring you NEWZ, ENTERTAINMENT and CELEBRITY GOSSIP as we are becoming entertained ourselves. Thanks for all of YOUR SUPPORT.

We started with an idea. Let’s deliver NEWZ through the eyes of an entertainer. We’ve expanded the B.YONEST BRAND to many extremes consisting of LETZ BYONEST, B.YONEST ENTERPRIZES, B.YONEST MUZIK B.YONEST 4 BABIEZ and many more. Videos, Interviews, Articles, Opinions, Concepts and Growth is what we have focused on. Numbers don’t lie. 500 posts and over 100,000 views in a year. We can’t wait to see what the next year will deliver. Cheers to ANOTHER 500 POSTS. ALL HAIL and #hollawonimo

INVAZION STAFF

Sidenote: Follow the B.YONEST INVAZION on twitter today!!!

B.YONEST NEWZ.. MTV VMA’S 2009 RECAP

Posted in B.YONEST NEWZ with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 14, 2009 by invazion

B.YONEST NEWZ.. B.YONEST NEWZ…vma2009

Live from Radio Music Hall in (Manhattan) New York City. LET’S GO!!!

Eminem vs Kanye West! Four nominations

Beyonce vs Lady Gaga! Nine nominations.

The night began with a Tribute to Michael Jackson. Madonna walked out on stage (as the crowd erupted w/ excitement.)

“Michael Jackson was born in August 1958. Michael Jackson was born in the Midwest. So was I. Michael Jackson had 8 brothers and sisters. Michael Jackson never got to have a childhood and he spent his whole life looking for it,” Madonna said.

“There is no question he was the greatest entertainer of all time. Elegance of Fred Estair and packed the punch of Muhammad Ali,” she told the audience. Then the NIGHT BEGAN.

Dancers walked on stage and “Thriller” began. They were dressed in past Michael Jackson video attire and did a presentation of “Thriller,” “Smooth Criminal.” (among others) and then the AMAZING HAPPENED. Janet Jackson walked on stage and performed “Scream” with her brother in the background on video mimmiking every dance move. AMAZING. AMAZING. WHAT U GUYS THINK OF THE PERFORMANCE!!?

Beyonce, Jay-Z, Eminem, Megan Fox, Kanye West and P. Diddy (to name a few) were in the building. Shakira and Pink were rockin the same dress. Nonetheless, Radio Music Hall was jumping, y’all. Did I mention Russell Brand was the host. Dude’s crazy. Abbzolutely C.R.A.Z.Y. It was a Celebration of Michael Jackson. Did I mention Lady Gaga was bi-sexual? I like it! Now to the Awards.

Best Female Video? Lady Gaga, Kelly Clarkson, Beyonce, Taylor Swift, Katie Perry or Pink?? And the Winner is “Taylor Swift.”

Wait A second.. DID U SEE what KANYE WEST DID Y’ALL?? DID U! This fool walked on stage during Taylor Swift’s speech, taylorswiftkanyewesttook the microphone from her and claimed….

“Beyonce has the best video this year. Beyonce had the best video this year..”

Best Rock Video? Green Day, Fallout Boy, Coldplay, Kings of Leon and Paramore. And the Winner is “Green Day.” Much respect homies. MTV PLAY MORE VIDZ!

I can’t believe WHAT KANYE WEST DID!!! MORE TO COME..

LADY GAGA, Y’ALL!! LET’Z TALK ABOUT LADY GAGA!! I’M DONE DISSIN HER. She’s weird as shit, but the girl can really sing. Lady Gaga can really sing. She’s kind of like “Christina Winehouse. ” That perfect mix of Christina Aguilera and Amy Winehouse. I dig her!! GO GAGA! NO, but really.. Did y’all see what KANYE WEST did??

Best Pop Video? Beyonce, Lady Gaga, Britney Spears or Cobra Starship.. And the winner is “Britney Spears.” WHAT she foxbyoneststill wins awards?? Who knew?

Now let’s talk about Megan Fox.. U know I banged her right. Read MORE HERE!

Who gives a shit about Twilight? Maybe I missed something since I haven’t seen the movies. I kinda want to, but damn.. They are everywhere!! TWILIGHT, TWILIGHT, TWILIGHT!! And onto BEYONCE!!! Who? BEYONCE!!

Girl is BAD.. She dances, sings, grooves and twerks it out. SINGLE LADIES! “SINGLE LADIES” REMIX HERE.. She is a performer.. Fuck lip syncin.. Give her a microphone, sexy outfit and a beat. SHE IS gonna MAKE IT work.. ALL HAIL, BEYONCE.. Let’s Collab. BEYONCE feat. B.YONEST! Damn, I love her swagger.. I could go on and on.. MORE SOON!!!

WHO SAW THE crowd BOOO when P. Diddy mentioned Kanye West?

Best Male Video? Eminem, Jay-Z, T.I., Kanye West or NE-YO? And the winner is “T.I.” Grand Hustle, Atlantic Records, etc. Much Love T.I. “Live Your Life”Remix HERE!

I JUST WANNA SAY.. MUZIK is BACK.. U SEE THE nominations for BEST MALE? NO wack MUZIK allowed anymore.. People are waking up and I (as an artist and BLOGGER) appreciate that shit!! Damn, Kanye West fucked up!!

Best Hip Hop Video? Eminem, Flo-Rida (sucks), Kanye West, Jay-Z or Asher Roth? And the winner is “Eminem.” SLIM “fuckin” SHADY.. LETZ GO!!! (have you hrd my ODE to Eminem???)

“It’s been a minute man,” he said as the CROWD went nuts. “First off I wanna say thank you to the fans for stickin by me. My daughters, Paul Roserberg, etc. Proof, this one’s for you homie. I love you Doodie,” he said. I love that Muzik iz B.A.C.K! The O.G’S had to return to the scene to pick this shit up again..!!

Best New Artist? Kid Cudi, Asher Roth, Drake or Lady Gaga? And the winner is “Lady Gaga.” Congratulations “Gaga.” You’re weird AND I’m startin to like it!! #HOLLAWONIMO!!gaga

This is for God and my fu*ckin fans.. And the GAYS,” she said!

I don’t know if I’ve told you this before, but Pink would get the bizness. That is a sexxy, crazy chick. I love me some pink! Damn, she was swingin’ from ropes and shit.. LMAO!! Get it Girl! Moving On….

Video of the Year? Eminem, Beyonce, Kanye West, Lady Gaga or Britney Spears? And the winner is “Beyonce.” You know HOW i feel about BEYONCE.beyonceswift

“I remember being 17 years old and being nominated for my first award so I’d like for Taylor to have her moment,” she said and Taylor Swift came on stage. GOOSEBUMPS!  Good for You, Taylor! Good for BEYONCE. There are some pure people in the world still!!

AND FOR THE FINAL PERFORMANCE… Jay-Z featuring Alicia Keys. Jay-Z comes walking backstage, grabs the mic, walks on stage, puts his hat low and it’s GO TIME! “Empire State of Mind” was incredible. MUZIK is BACK!!

Last, but not least the show ended with a scene of Michael Jacksons’ upcoming project. His final documentary “Michael Jackson’s THIS IS IT.” Long live the KING. Michael, you are amazing. You will never be forgotten, but celebrated. Amazing show. I’m proud of the ceremony. NOW PLAY MORE MUZIK VIDEOZ on your station!! ALL HAIL!!

ANONYMOUZ!!

Did B.YONEST really do it to JENNIFER’S BODY???

Posted in B.YONEST, megan fox with tags , , , , on September 13, 2009 by invazion

My name iz B.YONEST and I BANGED Megan FOX!!!

READ CHAP 1 HERE

MeganFoxB.YONEST

my name is B.YONEST… and I banged MEGAN FOX: CHAPTER V: PART I

Posted in B.YONEST, megan fox with tags , , , , , on August 15, 2009 by invazion

meganB_3The moment most of you ALL have been waiting for is finally here. This journey of my night of fun w/ Megan Fox has taken on a following of its’ own. I had no idea my crazy story would be such an eye opening experience for everyone else, but I’m delighted to bring you all such satisfaction. HERE WE GO.

I probably did six thousand push-ups from 2pm to 630pm that day. I checked the clock every seventeen seconds. I sweat so much (on pure EXcitement) that I lost 12 pounds and I kept checking my cell phone to make sure Megan hadn’t called, texted, changed her plans, my phone hadn’t died and i was a nervous fuckin wreck so I was looking for something to do. I smoked two ounces of bubble gum kush by myself in five hours and I was STILL A NERVOUS WRECK.

I hadn’t been on many dates in my life. There was the dance in 8th grade where I got beat up by the girls’ boyfriend. She only asked me to go as a joke so that her boyfriend would have a reason to kick my ass. There was the Amusement Park Extravaganza my Sophomore year. My date rode every ride w/ the wide receiver of the football team and I sat in the back of every ride with the super fat “goth” chick.. Needless to say, I was a real ladies man back in the day. NOT! I mean, I’d dated before but not like this.

Zak didn’t have an ounce of nervousness in his bones ANYWHERE. Dude gets girls. When i say dude gets girls. I mean girls “literally” throw themselves at Zak like he’s MY FUCKIN CLIENT. That’s why we call him “Crack Dawson.” Remember “Jack Dawson” from Titanic. Leonardo DiCaprio fuckin idiots. Well, that’s Zak aka Crack in real life. Hoes love him.

“Just be yourself bro. She’s just a girl, dude,” he said as we were getting dressed @ Equinox. Easy for his ass to say. He’s banged NHL hockey cheerleaders. He’s kicked it w/ models. He’s been to Victoria’s Secret Fashion shows. Zak’s a big deal. Maybe he IS MY CLIENT.

“Whatever bro. I’m cool,” I responded as my hands shook hysterically. I couldn’t even cut my hair right I was so fuckin nervous and I shave it bald. What the fuck was I going to do. I couldn’t go to dinner w/ Megan like this. Either I was going to have to take some medicine to relax, smoke another ounce in 45 minutes, cancel dinner or CALM THE FUCK DOWN. Canceling dinner wasn’t an option, I was probably going to pop the meds ANYWAY and smoking the trees…Well, that’s a no brainer. CALMing THE FUCK DOWN was a dire necessity. I felt like it was the 1st day of school, the last day of school, the 1st time I had sex, the last time I had sex and my 1st concert ALL AT THE SAME TIME. I was GEEKED..

Zak was dressed in a pair of jeans (the Abercrombie/Hollister joints w/ the holes in them.. REAL TRENDY), some black Nike Air Max’s w/ a tint of white and red and a Large white t-shirt that read “I’m the Reason Your Wife Left You.” (with a B.YONEST LOGO embedded on the shirt as well.) Red sunglasses, hair fresh to def. Zak was ready to go.  I was dressed in a pair of jeans (I “sneeked” from Red Planet in Columbus, Ohio), a pair of White and Yellow Dunk (with green laces) and an XL  yellow t-shirt that read  “U Can Google Me Bitch.” (with a B.YONEST LOGO embedded on the shirt as well.) Green sunglasses, head freshly shaven. I was ready to “ball the fuck out.”

Zak and I walked out the gym towards “THIS THING” and I was feeling much, much better. the sun was beginning to set on the Ocean, the beautiful people walking around me gave me a feeling of inspiration and it was a GORGEOUS evening. What could possibly go wrong on a night like this. Zak and I approached “THIS THING” and noticed a note on the windshield. Zak thought it was a ticket (because we’d received a TON of those since arriving in Los Angeles). Indeed, it was a ticket.

“Stay the fuck away from my girlfriend FUCKER… B.A.G.” the note read. I began laughing hysterically as Zak read the letter because he said BAG instead of B then A then G. Who’s is the only F.A.G. in the city who would leave a note on a fuckin promotional vehicle. Brian Boston Bean. I thought he was out of town. Maybe he came home to rescue his girl from me.  Maybe he was on his way out of town and noticed “THIS THING.” I didn’t know and quite honestly.. I didn’t give two shits. I’d seen the media talkin about them lately. Last I’d heard she was a single gal PLUS she called me askin’ me out. WAS MEGAN FOX SETTING ME UP LIKE THE 8TH GRADE GIRL? Was this another case of “too good to be true.” Fuck it, I’m a horny 27 year old and I wanna bang Megan Fox.

Zak and I jumped in “THIS THING” and headed toward Venice. Our great homies Chris P, Merf D “OG” and Karate Chris were havin’ a cookout @ Merf’s crib. Bitches, swimmin and liquor. That’s the crazy thing about Los Angeles. You may find yourself @ a party on a Thursday Evening getting fucked up. Them fools knew a gang of celebrities too. Jessica Alba, Lindsay Lohan, Michael Rappaport… My sqwad kicks it and if Merf is having a party and your invited.. I HIGHLY suggest you make it there. We stopped @ Habib’s to get a pack of bleeders.

“You look much better buddy,” Habib exhalted (you know with that voice like the people with the dot on their forehead)

“Yeah Habib. I feel muuuch better today. Not drunk YET and I have a date tonight,” I said with certain excitement. “Let me get a pack of grape cigarillos.”

“Good, good for you, B. He’re your cigars. Be safe and make sure you fuck her in the backside,” he said as I walked out the door.

“I will Habib. I’ll fuck her in the backside just for you brotha.”

I twisted up as we pulled into Venice. The people there are amazing. Most are qwerky weirdos, but interesting as shit. Every six seconds there’s someone attempting to sale their cds in groups of forty seven. Imagine if you really bought 47 cd’s for 5 dollars. You’d spend 235.00 just walkin’ on the Venice Strip. Not for me.

We pulled up to Merf’s crib and (like always) the street was packed with parked cars (of people attending his party), the front yard was full of sexy ladies (of different nationalities), the backyard was loud, my weed was twisted and I was ready to get my party on. I had almost forgotten for a second that I had a date with Megan Fox.

“Damn. This is what we get to do BEFORE we go kick it with Megan,” Zak said.

“Thanks DICK. For like 12 seconds I was so excited to see Merf’s crib, I’d forgotten.”

“My bad,” Zak said as he cracked up laughing walking into Merf’s front door.

“Hey Frog,” Chris P. screamed.. Now this fool is crazy. The stories I could tell you about my main mutha fucka Chris P is enough for eighty nine books themselves. To sum Chris P up though.. Crazy, deranged, amazing, the best friend to his homies ever, a little weird.. Basically, just like the rest of my SQWAD!!

“What up nigga,” I screamed back as Chris punched me in the chest. That was his way of saying “hi” with love. What Chris never seemed to remember is he’s heavy handed and one punch can be enough to knock the wind out of you. The more he drinks, the less he remembers and the heavier his hand becomes. BAD COMBINATION. After i picked my stomach chest up off the floor, grabbed my sunglasses back from Zak and realized where I was, Chris and I hugged and life was great again.

“Merf. Girls, Booze, Weed, Food, Swimming, bikinis, shots, titties and ass all in the back yard. Grab a condom, walk in the backyard, grab a drink and pick a bitch,” Chris said as he closed the bathroom door. I didn’t know whether to believe him. I mean, I believed that was all in the backyard, but the “grab a condom..pick a bitch” thing….? Who really knew? Chris P is extremely sarcastic and parties get a tad out of hand @ Merf’s crib. I went to walk out the back patio and next to the door sat a stand with condoms, ky jelly and a bottle of grey goose. I LOVE L.A. just, B.YONEST (a day in the life)

Merf was in the back yard, standing next to one of his six palm trees. He had on a pair of blue swim trunks hanging past his knees. The string was un-tied, he was holding a bottle of Grey Goose in his left hand and his right hand was stuck on some brown haired, dark tanned chick’s breast. Merf is a BEAST. He had a clear blunt in his mouth filled with “OG” KUSH, his sunglasses were on the dark tanned chick and he looked super DRUNK.

“What up, my nigga,” Merf screamed at me. “B.YONEST and CRACK. You niggas ready to party, tonight? We got the girlz, the booze, the swimming pool and the jimmies. Whatever you need is here. Get drunk and go fuck.”

Los Angeles is the most eye opening experience. I know I mentioned that before, but damn. Dime piece girls, people breaking weed up and smoking it LEGALLY, different nationalities and demographics of people, kickin’ it at my good friends’ crib. Did I mention I had a date w/ Megan Fox in a couple hours. Tough life, I know.

I couldn’t find Zak for (what seemed like) hours. Last I remembered, he was talking to two girls who claimed to be models for an online Lingerie Company. Tall, one was blonde, one was brunette… Both, beautiful. I searched the pool. NO Zak. I searched the crib (kitchen, bathroo(s), bedroom(s) and living room). NO Zak. Dude left with two hot Lingerie models and didn’t tell me? Rude! Beyond rude. Fucking ridiculous, truthfully. I walked back outside grabbed the blunt from Chris aka Spanto.

“You seen Crack.” I asked Chris.

“Yeah one of my homies has some. You don’t want that shit. I know you just moved to L.A. and shit, but you do NOT want to get involved in the Crack Game out here. I wont let you. Fuck that,” Chris said with a hint of fear and sincere severity in his eyes.

“Nigga, I meant Zak. LIke Zak. Crack the nickname, nigga. I never smoked crack in my life homie.”

“Oh, Oh Oh.. Zak.. That fool went in the hot tub w/ the Lingerie hoes I think. He probably gettin’ his dick wet and you sittin here talkin to me, stupid. I told you grab a condom and pick a bitch. Zak picked two,” Chris said as he laughed hysterically. I guess he meant grab a condom and pick a bitch when he said “grab a condom and pick a bitch.” I walked towards the hot tub and heard noises that need no description. Use you imagination perverts. I willl say my video camera would have come in “handy” if you know what I mean. Twenty minutes later, Zak walked out of the hot tub, smilin his face off. The Lingerie girls were gigglin and whispering to one another. I’m not going to say what “I think” happened (because I’m one for putting people on blast), but IT WENT DOWN.

“Feelin better bro,” I asked Zak in my sarcastic “I know what u did last summer” way.

“Yeah bro. I feel great bro. Ready for a date with Megan and Regan,” Zak responded. Holy shit. We totally had a date with Megan and Regan still. I’d been at Merf D “OG’s” crib, chilin and shit. I honestly forgot for seven whole minutes we had a date. True story. I felt my phone vibrate on my right hip. It wasn’t ringing though. Another text message.

“Regan and I are pretty ready to go, B. What are you and Zak doing?” the text read.

I felt like a little kid again. I have no problem speaking to women, but why do I almost pass out everytime Megan texts, calls or looks @ me. I’ve gotta get over this shit and fast.

“We’re at a party  in Venice. I’m gonna start my goodbye’s and head toward the car. 15 minutes, we’ll probably be out of here? Sound good?” I responded. “Hey Crack we gotta stab (which means leave for the idiots) in like 10 or so, homie,” I yelled to Zak across the pool. He was getting two phone numbers @ the same time. The blonde and the brunette were (literally) giving him their number simultaneously. It was AMAZING.

“Aiight dunny. I’m ready to go whenever,” Zak yelled back to me as he began walking my way. He didn’t kiss the girls goodbye. He didn’t even speak to them. He got their numbers and walked away. I was astonished because I’ve never had the “balls” to walk away from a girl. I hung up on Megan accidentally once or twice and that’s seemed to work marvelously.

B.YONEST CONVERSATION W/ B.YONEST begins NOW.

‘Worse case scenario. Walk away from her. She’s either gonna think you’re an arrogant ass face, which girls seem to be into OR she’s gonna watch you walk away, realize how cute your ass is and she’s gonna wanna fuck you anyway. Wow B.YONEST. This game is really easy. The less attention you pay to a girl/woman/chick, the more they want it. I need to remember this tonight. Maybe, I wont say a single word to Megan all night. Maybe I’ll play a deaf mute. That way I won’t be able to fuck it up, by saying some stupid shit. She’ll think I lost my voice in the last few days. Yeah that’s gotta be..”

“What the fuck are you talking about B DOT?” Zak yelled at me. Again, I had just said all that shit out loud. “You’re going to act like a deaf mute all fuckin’ night long. Trust me, dude. That’s not the move.” I’ve gotta get these conversations with myself in order, apperantly.

“I was. Well, I’m workin on my. Dude, I don’t know, maybe. Shit. It could work. Megan is kickin it with Brian Boston Bean, my nigga. It doesn’t get much closer to a deaf mute than that, bro,” I said as if to defend myself.

“NO bro. You’re gonna take a couple shots, twist another bleeder, rub some nipples and we’re going to leave this party. We’re going to go meet Megan and Regan, get some dinner and go party with Edski, Megan, Ivy and the rest of the homies. Damn B DOT. That sounds like a great night to me.” Zak was absolutely correct. It did sound like an amazing night. Zak and I made our rounds. We dapped up Merf, Chris P., Karate Chris and the rest of the homies.

“See you homies later tonight?” Zak asked Chris.

“Yeah, yeah. We’ll leave here probably around 11 or so. See you @ Villa around 11:30,” he responded.

Zak and I walked to “THIS THING.” I still didn’t know what happened in the damn hot tub. I was HIGHLY curious, but Zak isn’t someone you can just ask. “Hey bro u fuck the Lingerie girls.” When it comes to Zak, the approach has to be a tad less forceful. For instance…

“Homie, the Lingerie girls were all in your mouth @ the party player,” I said. “Was you beatin cakes in the hot tub, homie. I figadeel you, play maker.”

“Yeah. I don’t what to say, dogg. They basically threw the condom on and made me. What I supposed to do,” Zak said as he began to crack a smile.

“Exactly what you did, dunny. Exactly what you did.” My homies are incredible people. That’s why i surround myself with people like that. Amazing people make you do amazing things or at least seem to have an affiliation with amazingness. We just left an amazing party, we were on our way BACK to Santa Monica to kick it with Megan and Regan and i was in the passenger seat listening to B.YONEST, while rolling a bleeder of “kush” (REAL KUSH.. not that bullshit kush people call kush) on a dinner plate (refer to my song “GOON 2 A GOBLIN”  for more on the dinner plate) and I felt GREAT.

We pulled close to Santa Monica and I began to realize what I was going to do. I hate to admit my nausea issue, but I felt like someone threw me out the window of the Sears Tower face first just to watch me scream. I ddn’t know black people could turn white, but I was Pee-Wee Herman Caucasian and I was more sweaty than “MC Hammer’s” back up dancers. Zak was relaxed as he always is. Homie doesn’t sweat. Shit’s crazy. He just posted up with two Lingerie girls so I imagine he’s feelin’ quite okay.

“We’re in the Promenade walking around. You guys on your way. We can get you a coffee from Coffee Bean if you want. Let me know,” my phone read. It was difficult to read due to the quiver and shake of my hands.

“Please do. Wait don’t. I’m pretty hyper already I respond.. No we want them. Yeah. Yeah. Please do that,” I responded. Why does Megan Fox make me repeat myself. The blunt of kush was assisting my tension level a little bit. I was smoking one and rollng another. I had the feeling my nerves were going to get worse as I closed in on the “BANG.” No pun INTENDED. We parked “THIS THING” on Ocean and Santa Monica, checked out pockets (to make sure we had our proper ingreadients), locked THIS THING and headed toward The Promenade.

“We’re walking toward Coffee Bean right now,” I texted. “See you in 2.2.” My heart was racin’. I’d been waiting for this for years. I’ve seen every poster. I’ve read every article and watched the Transformers movies elevendieght times. I’d seen, downloaded and previewed all the pictures on the Internet. I had a hard drive full of photos. Some would call me a stalker. I like to think I study.

As we approached the Promenade, Zak and I saw two figured standing in front of Coffee Bean. From a distance, they looked damn near identical. The feeling of nervousness turned into excitement and I put my sunglasses on. I didn’t know how high and drunk I looked (because I was extremely both) and I COULD NOT fuck this one  up. First impression is crucial. The whole throwing up, passing out scene was cool and all, but I was hoping tonights’ outcome was a tad bit different. We crossed the street and my mind went blank. There were so many thoughts running through my brain, I couldn’t think anything. We walked up to the girls..

“Hey hot stuff,” Megan said as she opened her arms (as if she wanted a hug.) I approached her and my heart jumped out of my chest, my penis erected and tore a hole in my jeans, my eyes became crossed and as she hugged me I felt myself ejaculate. I jizzed in my pants. Did she feel it? Did she know? I jizzed in my pants as soon as Megan hugged me. I sprinted into Coffee Bean ran in the bathroom and threw up in the sink. I stared into the mirror, washed my face, hands and threw water all over my jeans. I dried my hands and walked out of the bathroom.

“What a fucked up night this was going to be after all,” I whispered to myself. I’m STILL gonna BANG MEGAN FOX…

MY NAME IS B.YONEST and I BANGED MEGAN FOX CHAPTER ONE… read NOW….

B.YONEST NEWZ: MEGAN FOX wins “HOTTIE” CHOICE AWARD

Posted in B.YONEST NEWZ with tags , , , , on August 10, 2009 by invazion

Guess who won the “hottie choice award” last night @ the Teen Choice Awards. One more guess, idiots. That’s right. Megan Fox. The funny thing is she isn’t a teen. She’s like  24 years old and is winning teen awards. I guess when you’re hot, you’re hot. Congratulations Mrs. YONEST aka Megan Fox. See you soon.

ANONYMOUZ

my name is B.YONEST and…. I BANGED MEGAN FOX (Chapter One)

my name is B.YONEST… and I BANGED MEGAN FOX: CHAPTER IV

Posted in B.YONEST with tags , , , , , , , on August 6, 2009 by invazion

meganB_4

I CAN’T FUCKIN’ CALL MEGAN FOX… CAN I?

If YOU got a phone number from a mega sexxy, super famous, put it in her anus, dip your dick in Kool-Aid and drink it, SUPERSTAR, would you call her? No seriously, imagine you’re me right now. I believe sincerely in the powers that “B.” If you say something’s going to happen, it’s going to FUCKIN’ HAPPEN. But this was mega fucked up. IT’S MEGAN FOXs’ phone number, people. I been starin’ @ it for three straight days, with a dick so stiff, it’s like I swallowed a 50 pack of Viagra (REALLY, I swallowed 12 JUST to make sure my penis could get hard in case I BANGED MEGAN FOX).

How the fuck do you reach in your pocket, take out your phone and call MEGAN FOX? YOU TELL ME… I’ll Wait! Yeah, shit’s fucked up. All I wanted was the chance to BANG her brains out, I got her number and now I’m too pussy to dial the ten digits. This was worse than wanting to bang Nikki Hilton, only to find out she’s not cute in person and well… YOU REMEMBER the ocean, sushi thing…. no need to beat a dead fish.. I MEAN HORSE!! (ENOUGH DISSIN NIKKI… honestly I’m HIGHLY attracted to her.. I met her a cpl times in Vegas and L.A. She’s hot and MEGA COOL.)

“B, you gotta call her bro,” Zak told me AGAIN. He’d been preachin’ to me for over what appeared to be a fortnight (that’s a three week period, I believe.. I DO DRUGZ)  about callin’ Megan. I hadn’t slept, I went to a studio session and wrote Megan Fox over and over on my notepad for hours (like I was in 4th grade, eating my friends’, cousins’ dog shit again) and my dick was STILL rock solid. MAYBE callin’ Megan would calm me down a little and let my “nerves” (for lack of better term) rest @ ease OR maybe I’m a fuckin’ idiot for thinking that and the thought of being ALONE with Megan Fox excites the shit out of me, but makes me quiver with fear of incompetence. Either way, I had to do something. This shit was ridiculous and the longer I waited to call her, the less her chance of remembering my stupid ass. I’m sure drunk people pass out and vomit in front of Megan Fox ALL the time. Chances of her remembering me if I did call would be SLIM. I THOUGHT, ANYWAY!!!

“Fine, I’ll call her,” I said with a confident attitude (on the inside my stomach was turning knots like I got dropped from a window of the Sears Tower). “After, we meet with up with the tree man, get some food decide where we’re going tonight, I’ll call her.” Fuck NO I didn’t believe I’d really call her. I was in the ultimate cork screw. The most beautiful girl a phone call away from sittin of my face and I don’t want to open my mouth (unless she’s sitting on my face) in fear that my words may FUCK IT UP forever. The more high I got, the more concerned and paranoid I became about calling her.

CONVERSATION W/ B.YONEST BEGINS NOW….

“Seriously you pussy. If Brian Boston Bean can talk to her, bang her brains out and get her to tattoo this name on her, you can AT LEAST call her dude. ON THE OTHER HAND, Boston Bean did have a baby with Vanessa Marcil. How is Boston Bean doing this shit? I ALMOST can’t hate the kid anymore. Homie got game. I’m fuckin hungry. I think I may want a gyro. Maybe some chicken wings.  This kush is some serious fire, I’m smokin’ on. Damn, Vanessa Marcil is amazing. If this thing with Megan doesn’t work out,  I sure would like…”

All of a sudden my phone rang. It scared the shit out of me (because I was in fantasy land about a threesome with Megan Fox and Vanessa Marcil, smoking weed together and eating barbecue sauce off each other which could never happened cuz they both banged Boston Bean), but it was a number I recognized. Equinox (Santa Monica), my phone read. I obviously knew it was Jason “Ari” Paulino calling to tell us he was about to get off work and he’d be at he’s ready to…(again, I won’t put him on blast, but we SUPER KICK it with Paulino.. GREAT PEOPLES..)

“What up, Ari P.,” I screamed with excitement. Jason is the perfect “Ari Gold.” Excited, hungry, loud-mouthed asshole, loves money and would jump across the Grand Canyon for his friends/clients and affiliates.

“Uhhh, is this B,” the voice on the other end said with a certain “uncertainty.” Freaked me out because I was expecting to hear “Ari”P. on the other end,  I’d heard that voice before. I may drink an extensive amount of Grey Goose, smoke trees so much I cant run upstairs  and act like an idiot 94 percent of the time, but THAT VOICE I remember. It sounded low, sexxy and it had a slight whisper. Who the fuck is this, I wondered.

“Yeah, this is B.” Who am I speaking…. I didn’t even finish the words… “Wait, this is gonna sound stupid as shit to say, but is this Megan Fox?” I asked (sort of with an ass-hole grin on my face.) I didn’t remember giving her my number. She didn’t know my last name (I didn’t think) so how is she calling me. That’s not something you REALLY ask Megan Fox, though. It’s not Megan Fox.

“Yeah, it’s me. Feel free at anytime to start calling me Megan though. I got your number from Jason I think his name is. The cute, black Membership guy here. For some reason I was upstairs working out and I thought about how Brian, my friend Brian, is going out of town. Then I remembered your name is Brian. Then I remembered you passing out and me putting my number on your forehead with a post it note; WHICH YOU NEVER CALLED by the way. Then I wondered if I could get a hold of you to make sure you were okay. I thought Jason would have your number. I didn’t want to use my number because you obviously didn’t want it so I called from Jasons’ office. I’m talkin a lot, huh,” she exalted.

I hadn’t taken a breath in at least forty-five seconds. From the time the phone rang, I realized it wasn’t Jason and it WAS Megan, I hadn’t breathed. I mean, I wasn’t going to pass out on the phone or anything, but Megan clearly had a way of making me hyperventilate.

“No, well yeah you’re talkin’ a lot, but it’t okay Megan. How’s that,” I asked only to reassure myself I could call her Megan (instead of Megan Fox). I was feeling myself becoming more comfortable. I’m on the phone with Megan Fox and the transition from pussified geek to P.I.M.P. was taking place right in front of my very eyes OR out of my very mouth. No NE-YO!

“That’s perfect. Thank you. I was actually wondering if you were going out tonight. It’s Thursday and I know you were at Villa last Thursday. I planned on going up there and if you’re not busy we can meet for a drink or two.”

PAINT THE SCENE, B.YONEST! OKAY, HERE WE GO!

Remember the Movie “Knocked Up?” Seth Rogan got Katherine Hiegl pregnant on a one night stand. No, I didn’t plan to get Megan Fox pregnant. Bare with me for a second. In the Movie, Katie realized she was pregnant and sent Seth an email (because he was too broke to have a phone) asking him to call her. His friend received the email and told Seth “You got a message from her, dude.” Seth thought it was because she wanted some more action. He was runnin around the backyard, humping chairs and talkin’ dirty. That’s how i felt @ that moment. Not like I’m going to have sex with Megan Fox. The thought that someone THAT HOT wanted to spend 45 seconds with me game me the most excited feeling IN THE WORLD.

“We hadn’t made any specific plans yet, but I’m sure if I told Zak we have to go to Villa tonight to kick it with DJ Edski and oh by the way Megan Fox asked us to come to the bar and have a couple drinks, he wont have a problem with it,” I responded as I started laughing. This is crazy. Do I have a date with Megan tonight. Naw, just a new buddy she feels sorry for that she wants to get drunk with, maybe?

“Okay, well you have my number babe. Figure out what you guys are going to get into later and gimme a shout. I’m going to the gym, I have to rehearse and read over some lines but I’ll be ready to party it up probably around 8:30/9pm so let me know.” 10 seconds later. “B, are you there?”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m sorry. Tonight. 9pm. Rehearse lines @ Villa with DJ Edski. Wait. U know what I meant. We’ll be there babe,” (I called her babe just to see if it would pass through. IT DID.)

“Okay. Well I’ll talk to you and see you later tonight. Make sure you call me before you head up there. We have V.I.P. tables and all that stupid stuff so you won’t have to worry about gettin in, buyin drinks or anything like that,” she said with excitement in her voice. AUTHENTIC excitement! TWENTY seconds later…

“Sounds perfect, Megan. We got a few errands to run as well before we get some dinner. Maybe we should get a bite to eat before we hit Villa. We’re in Santa Monica, but we can meet you wherever.” I could feel myself beginning to talk too much.. “GET OFF THE FUCKIN PHONE,” I told myself.

I HUNG UP. I didn’t wait for a response. I didn’t finish my statements. I hung up on Megan Fox. What an ASSHOLE, right.? Did she get offended? Should I call her back? What the fuck was I supposed to do. 10 seconds later I received a text message..

“Dinner before sounds great. I know a great restaurant in Santa Monica. My friend and I will call you and Zak later tonight. P.S. Thanks for hangin’ up on me… Foxxy..”

I have no idea what the fuck I was doing, but it was working. Maybe passing out, vomiting, hanging up and hypervenilating was the key to a ladies’ heart on the West Coast. Zak and I were living the Los Angeles dream. Banged the Hilton Sisters. Every club we went to, DJ Edski was spinning with DJ Ivy.  The trees in the city were immaculate (I have a legal license to smoke in Los Angeles) and to top it off, I HAVE A DATE WITH MEGAN FOX tonight. Brace yourselves… Shit’s about to GET SERIOUS…

for I Banged Megan Fox Chapter V: Part I (click here)